Darkness

When the night has come
And the land is dark...

"Stand By Me" is playing on the iPod. A high pitched bell, maybe a triangle, chimes once a measure. It has been so clear in the past. Today, it is gone. I strain to listen for it, and I don't know where it is.

Now, I am standing in the yard, listening. I can hear a dog barking and some nearby traffic. The tree is moving in a gentle breeze. Silently. I stare at it, looking to see if the leaves are actually hitting each other. It doesn't look like they are. Maybe there is no rustling after all. I get Brian. He comes out and listens. He hears the tree rustling. It's quiet, but he hears it. There's also a bird calling. We walk back to the patio. Brian asks if I can hear our dogs walking on the concrete. They're making sounds too? I can't hear anything at all. They are silent.

At just over 2 years of age, I was diagnosed with a severe-to-profound hearing loss, and promptly fitted with hearing aids. In the beginning, both ears were similar, with the left being worse in the high frequencies. The worse ear kept getting worse. It didn't take long for those high frequencies to vanish. By the time I was a teenager, all I had left were low frequencies. Thankfully, my right ear had more hearing, and was steady, with very little ongoing loss.

In 1986 or 1987, I received a new hearing aid, a Rion model. It hit the sweet spot for my right ear. A whole new world opened up to me. It crystallized the high frequency sounds. Speech became much more crisp and distinct. Trees rustling in the breeze, keys jangling, brakes squealing, doors squeaking, chalk writing on a blackboard.. New sounds became apparent in my favorite songs. High hat, bells, and tambourines punctuated the music I was so familiar with before.

Over the years, better and new hearing aids came out. Better noise suppression techniques. Dual microphones for improved directionality. Digital for better control of the input sound. On February 3, 2009, I had a routine hearing test for a new hearing aid. My good ear had its first "No Response," at 8000Hz, the highest tested frequency. I received the news with sudden, overwhelming grief. If the nerve cells no longer respond, it doesn't matter how good a hearing aid is. My CI journey started here.

Standing on the patio, listening, I hear a scrape. Turning to Brian, I ask him if there was a scraping sound. He scraped his foot in answer. Yes, I heard that. I will also soon hear the tree rustling in the breeze, the bird calling, and the dogs walking on the concrete. I will hear when the transmitter is attached, and the light on the sound processor is green. I will hear when electrodes inside my skull fire on command, illuminating my cochlea with sound.

The CT Scan was last Monday. It was a perfect appointment. I was in at 8:10 to fill out paperwork, as instructed, for an 8:40 appointment. I was in the scanner and out the door at 8:30! The result appears to be normal. I have an appointment tomorrow with the Primary Care Physician to get surgery clearance and a meningitis vaccination. The day after, I have a pre-op appointment with the surgeon. Moving along. I should have a surgery date soon.